


Rose Lalonde Accidentally Opens a Memo and Opens Up

by StepperOfTheLongEarth



Series: Homestuck One-Shots [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Homestuck5, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Trans John Egbert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22903546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StepperOfTheLongEarth/pseuds/StepperOfTheLongEarth
Summary: Rose accidentally opens a memo and gets more than she bargained for.
Relationships: John Egbert & Rose Lalonde, Rose Lalonde/Terezi Pyrope
Series: Homestuck One-Shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1478915
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Rose Lalonde Accidentally Opens a Memo and Opens Up

**Author's Note:**

> Made using www.homestuck5.com
> 
> wow that is easy to use holy shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
tentacleTherapist [TT] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board THE THERAPIST IS [IN].  
  
TT: Paging June. Come in June. There is a matter I would like to discuss with you.  
ectoBiologist [EB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
EB: oh, hey rose!  
EB: using the old chum handle today huh?  
TT: Yes. Quite nostalgic actually.  
EB: i wonder if i can just...  
EB: ...change it by...  
JUNE: ...oh HEEEYYYY!  
timaeusTestified [TT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
TT: What, the hell, is that?  
FUTURE golgothasTerror [GT] 00:01 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGT: Oh christ in a diaper.  
TT: Jake. No one talks like that.  
TT: But John-  
TT: It is June, "Dad"! Please respect their new name.  
TT: June...right...  
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 04:13 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGC: GOD D1RK STOP BE1NG SUCH 4 TR4NSPHOP3!  
TT: I'm no such thing.  
TT: I just think that-  
CURRENT tipsyGnostalgic [TG] (because who cares lol!) 69:69 HOURS FROM NOW (and yet, right now) responded to memo.  
TG: noboobie cares wha u think dick  
TG: *dirk  
TG: no wait  
TG: was right 1st time  
TG: ur a huge dick is what im sayin  
TT: How on earth did you even get the time to show that number anyway?  
TT: That should be impossible.  
TG: hax the fuck out of it obv  
TG: whats the point of havin all these leat skillz if i dont use em.  
TT: On that note, how did all of you join this conversation?  
TT: This was supposed to be just between myself and June.  
FGT: Oh.   
FGT: I am not at all sure how i did that. Sorry!  
FGT ceased responding to memo.  
JUNE: i think you opened a group chat on accident.  
TT: Well shit.  
FGC: H3H3H3!  
FGC: ROS3 YOUR 4BSOLUT3 G4RB4G3 4T T3CNOLOGY!  
FGC: YOU SHOULD JUST GO B4CK TO DO1NG YOUR USU4L W1Z4RD SHT1CK  
TT: Hmm.  
TT: Perhaps your right.  
FGC: W41T  
FGC: ROS3 DONT-!!  
FGC's computer exploded.  
JUNE: ha! ha! oh man, i did not know that messaged was programmed into the chat!  
TG: lololol wowz!  
TG: u just know that some board programmer out there had to fill out every single thing that could happen while the chat was running  
TG: damn tho rose  
TG: that was cold  
TT: I like to think of it as a budding Kismesissitude.  
TT: Hate you Pyrope <3<.  
JUNE: wow what, when did that happen??  
TT: About when you died.  
JUNE: geez, did she even let the corpse cool before she went off to robo-black-smooch you?  
TT: I believe that your body was well preserved inside the captchalogue card thus making the inevitable event for your body to reach that temperature to be null.  
TT: So to answer your question: no.  
TG: fffffff haha! owned  
TG: so f-in owned june  
TG: u got passed up for a robot  
TT: A very well crafted robot with excellent-  
TT: Oh my god Dirk, no one cares.  
TT banned TT from responding to memo.  
TT: Wow these are exausting.  
TT: No wonder Karkat stopped doing them.  
timaeusTestified 2 [TT2] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
TT2: You do know banning does nothing correct?  
TT perma banned timaeusTestified (all) [TT (all)] from responding to memo.  
TG: wait you can do that??  
TT: Keeps out pest.  
JUNE: this has been fun and all but did you have a point to all this rose?  
JUNE: i kinda have things to do today.  
TG: what  
TG: like being dead?  
JUNE: well...hmm.  
JUNE: i assume this conversation is happening some point in the future but now you got me questioning even that little bit of deductive reasoning.  
TT: Don't think about it to hard June.  
JUNE: ok!  
TG: aww, seriously ur a good friend june  
TT: Mom, stop hitting on June in front of your daughter. It's embarrassing.  
TT: Like coming home with guests and have to sit at the dinning table as you serve out dinner and shamelessly suggest that you would love to take my friend upstairs to inspect your porcelain cat collection, a cheep porno in the making.  
JUNE: you have a porcelain cat collection?  
TG: fuck yeah i do!  
TG: wanna come over and see it ;)  
TT: MOOOOOOOMMMMM!!  
TG: what??!? she's interested  
TT: Nope. Nuh-uh. Not in this chat.  
TT banned TG from responding to memo.  
JUNE: that was harsh rose.  
TT: She has to learn her lesson sooner or later.  
TT: Besides which I did not think you swung that way June, even if you are a woman now.  
JUNE: well, roxy is...an exception.  
TT: Really?  
JUNE: yes rose.  
TT: Fascinating. Could you please elaborate on that vague statement so that we can "get it all out in the open"?  
JUNE: oh ho ho! no.  
JUNE: rose, i love you (well not like that) but you are, i'm sorry to say, a really, REALLY shitty psychiatrist.  
TT: June! How could you?  
TT: After everything we had?  
JUNE: yes.  
JUNE: after all the shipping we went through, our long intricate courtship, and our breakup that definitely happened and not something i'm just bull shitting about right now.  
TT: I can't believe you June. How can someone I called a friend be so blatant as to tell me the naked truth to my face like that.  
TT: OK stop.  
TT: Stop typing in whatever nonsensical thing you were just about to type.  
JUNE: why rose, what ever gave you the idea that i would just keep going along with such a silly game as that?  
TT: How about over two decades of friendship with you?  
JUNE: oh man. it has been that long huh?  
JUNE: shit rose, we're OLD!  
TT: And growing more mature and wise?  
JUNE: absolutely not, we probably know less stuff than when we first met!  
JUNE: i think that might be your fault somehow.  
TT: Guilty as changed. I don't think I can step into a room without bringing down the groups collective IQ by about ten points.  
TT: Must be the useless lesbian genes.  
JUNE: i'm guessing that the room has to be full of attractive women to be the case though?  
TT: Bitch they better be loosing their minds over me. I would feel like a failure if they didn't.  
JUNE: hee hee hee.  
JUNE: is this your roundabout way of inviting me to strider's lame party next week?  
TT: Baseless accusation!  
TT: I would never waltz around with empty words to avoid a difficult subject with someone.  
JUNE: ...  
JUNE: do i even need to say kanaya to show how full of horse shit that is?  
TT: No, not really.  
JUNE: because that's like, your go to drunk story you tell every time you hit a little bit of the sauce.  
TT: I can't control anything Drunk Rose does. That is simply beyond my power.  
JUNE: well, you could stop drinking?  
JUNE: that should stop any appearances by your drunken doppelganger.  
JUNE: rose?  
TT: Sorry June.  
TT: I was just thinking about it.  
TT: I'm not sure if I could.  
JUNE: i'm sure kanaya would love to help you not see that version of yourself again.  
TT: I'm sure she would June, but that's not the reason why I don't think I couldn't do it.  
JUNE: ???  
TT: It's to do with our currently reality June.  
JUNE: i thought we agreed not to think about that.  
TT: No, I advised you not to think about it and now, we have to talk about it or it will bother me for the rest of the day.  
JUNE: alright.  
JUNE: *sits closer to you and pays you all the attention i can give*  
TT: Fucking dork.  
TT: Sigh.  
TT: June, we are a collection of traits and attributes. A conglomerate of ideas. A list of things that happened to an imaginary individual that never existed.  
TT: A five dimensional being that at any moment be called up on at any point in their lives and mixed together with any other point, not even from the frame of reference from our own canon.  
TT: There is no guarantee, after this story is over, that some other Rose will be back at the bottle again.  
JUNE: rose, you're scaring the shit out me here.  
JUNE: why would any other story matter apart from the one your in?  
ROSE: What about the greater Rose? Does Ultimate Rose drink? Does she hate the stuff? Does she even care about these questions?  
ROSE: I have no idea what I should do to fit into that!  
JUNE: rose, i tell you this as your friend, stop thinking about it.  
ROSE: How?  
JUNE: you are not ultimate rose, you are nobody but...well you.  
JUNE: no one can be in your exact position that you are in right now, talking to me, in a chatroom that probably other people are going to see.  
ROSE: Oh yeah, whoops.  
ROSE: I should just private message you shouldn't I?  
JUNE: no.  
ROSE: No?  
JUNE: nope. once this chatlog ends, that's it for us. we will cease to be june egbert and rose lalonde.  
JUNE: you get it rose?  
JUNE: this little snapshot, this insignificant little story, this is all we have.  
JUNE: the june and rose in this conversation may be only a small insignificant part of the greater june and rose.  
JUNE: but frankly i could give less of a shit about that because what matters here and now, is just us.  
JUNE: existing for the barest of moments in this funny little world.  
JUNE: does that make any sense at all rose?  
JUNE: because it seemed like nonsense to me.  
ROSE: No. No that sounded good.  
ROSE: I couldn't say exaclty what you said but yes I feel better.  
JUNE: oh good! glad to hear that rose.  
ROSE: So, about the party...?  
JUNE: uhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggggfffiiiiiinnnnnneeeeee!  
JUNE: i'll go.  
ROSE: Yes!  
JUNE: i won't have a good time though!  
ROSE: Noted.  
JUNE: and i'll be telling really lame jokes the entire time.  
ROSE: You always tell lame jokes all the time.  
JUNE: hee,  
JUNE: i walked into that one huh?  
ROSE: Yes.  
JUNE: and i'll be hitting on roxy just to make you uncomfortable!  
ROSE: Gasp, no.  
JUNE: yes.  
ROSE: I guess I could always black flirt with Terezi too as payback.  
JUNE: hey!  
ROSE: She is a really good kisser.  
JUNE: rose please.  
ROSE: And really good when she bites your neck just the right way.  
JUNE: i'll-be-there-at-six-bye!  
JUNE ceased responding to memo.  
ROSE: Bye June...  
ROSE: And thank you.  
ROSE: ...my old friend.  
ROSE: ...  
TT: That's better.  
TT: Well, that's it then. Back into your head I go to live as an amalgamation of thoughts and ideas.  
TT: I had better make a good impression.  
TT: Hello there. You might have met me before.  
TT: My name is Rose.  
  
TT closed memo.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  



End file.
